I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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