the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
