Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
