I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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