I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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