Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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