jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
