there was a trapeze. enough said
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
