never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
