he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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