yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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