Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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