It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
