I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
