you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
