I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
