Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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