I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
