Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
