I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
