3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
