M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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