i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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