am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's shark week go big or go home
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
