I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
