Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she smelled like a LAN party
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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