I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
