he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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