Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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