i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
