i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
