I haven't been this sober since birth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
