OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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