I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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