i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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