A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
