I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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