what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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