I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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