i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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