Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
