Im at strip club and am horny
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
