Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
