How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
