people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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