Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize