Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
