I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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