Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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