I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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