I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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