now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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