But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
