So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize