does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
