Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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