You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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