I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
