3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
