Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
