If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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