im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
