Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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