After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
