Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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