My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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