After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
