The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
