it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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