"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
