Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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