we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
