just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
