You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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