So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
